
Thursday, July 28, 2011
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Mama
During my power nap at the office yesterday, Mama appeared three times in my dream. First, I was having lunch with my Green Archers-T-Group friends. We were talking about the recent game and suddenly I saw Mama listening intently, gulping below zero Red Horse Beer in between. Then the scene segued to dinner with my Sunday Group; she was there looking at me, waiting for me to raise a strong opinion against those bishops. But her disarming smile made me stop, as if she was reminding me when to give in an argument. And the last scene was with my brothers; there she was at her favorite side of the sofa, laughing with us at Vice Ganda antics. It was so real, surreal.
I miss Mama. I miss our breakfast together. I miss her fried rice, pork and beans and sunny side up. I miss her litany of bills to be paid and things needed to be bought. I miss her juicy stories about our neighbors. I miss those times she would check on my sleeves, ask if I had a hankie with me, and finally whisper ‘ingat’ before I’d leave for work.
I miss Mama. I miss her sinigang na baboy, tinolang manok, atay at balun-balunan and her ‘world-famous’ binagoongan’. I miss the way she looked at me. I knew when she needed something; I knew when she wanted to tell me something. She knew when I need a hug. She knew when I want to be alone. I miss her pat at the back; I miss her ‘ kaya mo yan, anak.’
I miss Mama. I miss our TV marathon. I miss our discussions about anything under the sun. She was the one who encouraged me to voice out but no vent, to raise an opinion but not to start an argument; she taught me how to listen and give in. I miss her courage, against all odds, against all bills. I miss her candor, her jokes, even at the time Meralco cut our electricity. I miss her charm; even at times I would feel angry for those unpaid bills. I miss her sweetness, I miss her strength. For me, she’s the original Iron Butterfly. I miss her ’pasensiya na anak, alam mo naman sa’yo lang ako nakasandal.’ The truth is si Mama ang sandalan ng aking buhay.
It makes no little wonder she appeared in those scenes in my dream yesterday. In all those vignettes, I was with people closest to my heart. I was with people I’m most comfortable with. I was with people I truly love. And there she was, and will always be, at the center of them all.
Usually, I would wake up from my power nap feeling cold and numb. But yesterday, I felt warm. It was like somebody was hugging me all the time. I touched my face and noticed dried tears. Mama has probably wiped them for me, just like what she would always do when she was still alive.
I miss you, Mama. I love you.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Si Maria Magdalena
Araw-araw nagsusumikap akong makapagsimba. Ganito ang routine ko sa umaga: gigising ng 4-4:30AM. Magdarasal, maglilitanya, magninilay. Magbabasa ng Ebanghelyo mula sa Pandesal, magbubukas ng Bibliya para sa Pagbasa at Salmo. Magninilay at magmuni-muni habang nagkakape. Tapos, magbabawas at maliligo. Lalabas para tumakbo at dadalo sa 5:45 AM Mass. May mga araw na sumasablay o di na talaga kaya at pag ganun ay tila may kulang o parang may mali sa aking araw.
Kaya masakit sa aking tawagin akong ipokritang bakla. Sayang daw ang madalas kong pagpunta sa Simbahan. Wala naman akong sinasabi na ako'y santo o pinakabanal o baklang pinagpala sa lahat. Ang totoo, kaya nga ako nagsusumikap magsimba araw-araw ay dahil sa ako'y mahina at makasalanan. Ang totoo, sa kabila ng aking pagdadasal ay may pagkakataong ako pa rin ay nadadapa at nasasadlak sa putik. Ang totoo, kaya nga ako nagsisimba dahil nais kong may makapitan, may masandalan, may masilungan, may masabihan, may makayakap --- sa lahat ng panahon, sa habang panahon.
Naniniwala kasi ako sa Habag at`Awa ng Panginoon, sa Kanyang Pag-ibig at Pagmamalasakit --- at dun sa pananampalataya ito ako nakakapit. Lagi ko ngang sinasabi sa sarili ko, kapit lang kay Hesus, kapit lang.
Siguro kung hindi ako nakakapit kay Hesus, nakapatay na ako ng tao. Nakipagsuntukan na siguro ako sa siksikang tren. Nabato ko na siguro bahay ng mga tsismosang sina JG at SM. Tumalon na siguro ako sa Enterprise Center. Isa na siguro akong sex offfender, tapos nakaheadline sa dyaryo, Bakla Naghipo, Tiklo. Nangholdap na siguro ako ng FX. Nagnakaw na siguro ako sa kaban ng Simbahan. Iniwan ko na siguro mga kapatid ko. Tinalikuran ko na siguro nang tuluyan ang Parokyang punumpuno ng makabagong Pariseo at Publikano. May ginilitan na siguro akong Atenista. Sinabuyan ko na ng asido ang lahat nang nang-api sa nanay ko at mga kapatid ko. Hinamon ko na sana ng sabunutan ang mala-anghel sa kabaitang si Charlie Sita na tumawag sa akin ng ipokritang bakla.
Yung karamihan sa taas ay exaggerated at extreme (echos at char-char lang, in other words). Ang pinupunto ko lamang ay ito: I could be worse than as I appear to be now. Kaya nagsususumikap akong magpakabuti. Mahihirapan siguro akong maging at makilalang mabait, pero pinipilit kong maging mabuti sa kapwa, sa sarili, sa bayan at sa harap ng Panginoon. At malaking bagay ang pagsisimba araw-araw, ang mataimtim na pagdarasal, ang tahimik na pagninilay. Dahil doon, natututo akong magtimpi, magbigay, magpa-ubaya, magmahal, umunawa at magpatawad ng iba at ng sarili.
Kapistahan ngayon ni Maria Magdalena. Pareho kaming biktima ng mga maling akusasyon, panghuhusga at 'character assassination and stereotyping'. Pareho kaming kilalang sawimpalad at talipandas. Pero pareho rin kaming nagsusumikap maging tapat na alagad ni Hesus, hindi mang-iiwan, hindi bibitaw. Sa aking buhay, nais ko ring sambitin ang sinabi ni Maria Magdalena sa Ebanghelyo ngayon: ' Nakita ko na ang Panginoon at ito ang kanyang sinasabi!'
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Si Gretchen, Si Marjorie, Si Claudine
Friday, July 15, 2011
Mga Kaibigan Kong Kagandahan
Mga Kaibigan Kong Pari at Seminarista
Friday, May 27, 2011
Iisa Pa Lamang.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Walang Pag-ibig
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Nang umiyak si Hesus
pakiusap
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Minsan
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Focus
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
si lola lourdes, si heidi mendoza at si angelo reyes
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Liwanag
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Relo 3
Monday, January 24, 2011
Relo 2
Hindi ko nasuot ang relong graduation gift ng Papa ko sa araw ng aking pagtatapos ng high school. Lame excuse pero totoo, nakalimutan ko. Ang aga-aga kasi ng 'call time', tanghaling tapat samantalang alas tres pa naman yung simula ng programa. Kailangan daw ay nandun na kami at nakasuot na ng Barong Tagalog. Ang mga parents at iba pang guests ay dapat nakapasok na sa venue ng 2PM. Dahil dito, nagmamadaling nauna na ako sa aking mga magulang. Pawis na pawis akong dumating sa venue at unang inintindi ay yung ayos ng aking buhok. Noong medyo nahimasmasan ay nakipagkuwentuhan na at harutan sa mga kaibigan. Kulitan. May iyakan at kung ano-ano pang kaeklayan. Wala sa isip ko yung relong graduation gift ng Papa ko.
Noong pinapila na kami para sa simula ng martsa, natanaw ko na ang aking magulang sa assigned seat nila. Kumakaway ang aking Papa. Akala ko naman ay excited lang siya. Ngumiti lang ako dahil bawal pa kaming lapitan at hindi kami puwedeng umalis sa pila. Habang nagmamartsa ako ay natanaw ko pa rin ang Papa ko na parang may sinesenyas. Hindi ko naintindihan.
Natapos ang graduation, yakapan at piktyuran, at nakarating na sa bahay kung saan may salo-salo ang pamilya. Dun ko lang napansin na parang tahimik ang Papa ko bagama't kasama namin siyang kumakain. Inisip ko lang na pagod siya o naiinitan o naiinip. Hindi ko inisip na siya ay naiinis.
May party sa aming bahay noong kinagabihan. Nagpunta ang mga kaklase ko at iba pang kaibigan sa ibang batch. Nag-disco kami sa bahay. Masaya kami at maingay. Sayawan kahit marshmallow at hotdog lang ang pagkain. May punch na nilagyan namin ng gin, ayun, lalo kaming naging maingay at magulo. Ala-una ng madaling araw ay nahinto ang kasiyahan. Binuksan kasi ng Papa ko ang ilaw at pinatay ang tugtog. Tapos na raw ang party. Pinauwi ang aking mga bisita.
Napahiya ako noon at parang gusto kong awayin ang Papa ko. Pero dahil, pagod at lasing na rin ako, natulog na lang akong luha sa aking mga mata.
Tanghali na akong nagising, tinamad bumangon at nakatitig lamang sa kisame. Inisip ko yung magaling kong ama. Thank you for spoiling my night. You did it again, Papa, you made another reason for me to hate you. Yes, I hate you! Para akong si Sharon Cuneta sa Dear Heart na walang tigil sa pag-eemote. I hate you!
Mayamaya ay bumangon na rin ako at inayos ko ang kama. Sa pagpagpag ko ng unan at kumot, may maliit na kahon na bumagsak. Ang relong hindi ko nasuot sa araw ng graduation. Ang relong bigay ng lalaking kinamumuhian ko nuong oras na iyon. Ang relong pinaghirapan ng Papa ko sa Saudi. Ang relong dahilan ng kanyang pananahimik at pagpapahinto ng aming party. Ang relong magpapatibay sana ng aming connection bilang mag-ama.
Pero dahil na rin sa relong hindi ko sinuot nuong graduaton ko, nadagdagan ang lamat ng aming relasyon bilang mag-ama.
Friday, January 21, 2011
relo
Halos lahat ng naging relo ko ay galing sa mga taong mahal at minahal ko.
Noong grumadweyt ako ng grade school ay relo ang regalo sa akin ng Mama ko. Natatandaan ko pa ang galak sa mukha ng aking ina noong inabot niya sa akin ang munting kahon. Mas excited pa siya sa akin noong sinisira ko na ang balot at kitang-kita kong namilog ang kanyang mga mata noong tumumbad ang maganda at mukhang mamahaling relo. Suot mo na, suot mo na...kitam bagay sayo...naku anak, tamang-tama sayo... Sabay pupog ng halik sa akin. Tuwang-tuwa siya sa aking bagong relo na siya ang nagbigay. Sa aking isip, alam kong mahalaga sa Mama ko ang regalong iyon kaya sinuot ko ito saan man ako magpunta. Kaya nga noong first year high school ako ay napagkamalan akong anak-mayaman dahil sa relong bigay ng aking Mama. Dahil dito, tinago ko ang relo sa aking bag at sinusuot lamang kapag malapit na ako sa bahay namin. Para lang makita ng Mama ko na suot ko ang relong regalo niya.
Noong nagpunta sa Saudi ang Papa ko ang unang padala niya sa akin ay relo. Medyo mas malaki ito kaysa sa bigay ng Mama ko, dahil binata ka na, sabi niya sa kalakip na sulat. Tinago ko pa rin ang bigay ng Mama ko at sinuot ang galing sa Papa ko. Tukso ng mga kaibigan ko, hindi raw ako pantay maglakad dahil sobrang bigat ng aking bagong relo. Kaya ang ginawa ko, tinago ko na lang ang relong regalo ng Papa ko sa kahon kasama ng relong regalo ng Mama ko.
Malapit na akong magtapos ng high school ay umuwi ang Papa ko para siya raw magsabit ng aking medalya. Natural hinanap niya ang relong pinadala niya dati. Sabi ko, tinago ko. Kinakahiya mo ba ang regalo ko sa'yo? Gaya ng alam ng nakakarami kong kaibigan, hindi ako close sa tatay ko at alam kong pamamaraan niya yung pagbibigay ng relo upang magkaroon kami ng 'connection' kahit wala siya dito sa Pilipinas. Hindi ako nakasagot sa tanong na iyon pero alam kong nasaktan ko siya. Kinagabihan habang kumakain ay may inabot siya sa akin, maliit na kahon na alam ko na kung anong laman: relo. Suot mo iyan sa graduation mo ha.
Alam kong pag sinuot ko ang relo na iyon ay, kahit papaano, mapapasaya ko ang aking mga magulang. At alam ko rin na testamento lamang ang relo sa pagiging proud sa akin ng Papa ko, maski mas maraming taong hindi kami nagkita, mas maraming taong hindi kami nagkausap, mas maraming taong magkalayo ang aming kalooban sa isa't isa. Alam kong mahalaga sa kanya ang relong regalo niya sa akin kaya napagpasyahan kong isusuot ko ito sa araw ng aking graduation.
Pero hindi ko ito nasuot.
(to be continued)
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Pari
Dahil marami akong kabigang pari, akala ng iba ay marami akong kuwento tungkol sa mga pari. Inaasahan ng karamihan na ako ang silbing tagapaghawak ng mga sikreto ng mga pari. Ang katotohanan, mas marami silang sikretong hawak tungkol sa akin dahil sa kanila ako nangungumpisal. Kaya kung akala ng lahat na may tsismis akong alam tungkol sa sinumang pari, nagkakamali kayo.
Pero yun ang totoo, maging ang mga pari ay hindi ligtas sa mga tsismoso't tsimosa, sa mga malisyoso't malisyosa, sa mga makabagong Pariseo. Yung paring kaibigan ko, natsismis na bakla. Dahil close kami, bakla rin daw si Padre. Kaya ayun, inaabangan ang pilantik ng daliri, paghawi ng buhok, pagtinis ng boses. Lahat lalagyan ng kulay at ibig sabihin, patungkol sa kanilang hinuha na bakla nga si Padre.
Noong nagkaanak ang sekretarya ni Padre, natsismis naman na siya ang ama. Kasabwa't pa raw ako. Ako raw ang tulay, ako raw natataranta sa pagtatago sa kanilang dalawa. Hay. Ano ba talaga Kuya? Bakla ba o nakabuntis? Ang masakit, ang nagtsitsismis nito ay mga taong malapit mismo kay Padre, mga taong pinakikinabangan si Padre.
Maging si Hesus ay biktima rin ng tsismis at ng mga taong walang magawa kundi magbantay ng bawa't kilos at salita ng kapwa. Sa Ebanghelyo ngayon (Marcos 3:1-6), ang mga Pariseo ay nagmatyag kay Hesus kung pagagalingin nga nito ang paralitiko sa Araw ng Pahinga. Noong nagpagaling nga si Hesus, nagtipon-tipon naman sila sa mga iba pang may galit kay Hesus at dun ay nag-usap ng mga pintas at kuwento laban sa Panginoon.
Kitam, maging si Hesus biktima ng tsismis! Maging mga pari! Walang sinisino ang mga manghuhusga at mapaggawa ng kuwento. Ang mas lalong masakit, ang mga tsismoso't tsismosang ito ay mga taong nagmamagaling, nagpapanggap na mabait o nagmamalasakit, at kunwaring naglilingkod sa Simbahan.
Pero ito lang masasabi ko, ang pari ay pari ng walang hanggan. Walang sinuman o anumang tsismis ang makakasira nito hanggang sila ay naglilingkod dahil at para kay Hesus.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Top Five People to Block, Unfriend and Unfollow in 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
Top Five Diet Plans in 2011
1. Meatless lunch at least twice a week.
2. No extra rice to half rice to no rice at all.
3. No snacks or if you must, try vegetable juice like carrot or malunggay juice. Some fruit juices have too much sugar but you can also try grape and jackfruit.
4. Eat More Fish. protein from the sea is definitely better than any meat, even white meat.
5. No junk food. Sodium, sugar and everything harmful and addictive, that's why they are called junks.
And here are the sins, when it comes to eating, I committed in 2010 that I hope to stop or moderate in 2011.
1. I love all the desserts at Cocktales in Trinoma. As they say, desserts are stress busters.
2. I am a buffet warrior. From Spiral to Yakimix to Dads to ABSCBN parties. Hopefully, I would have the power to say no to all buffets (Good luck to me!)
3. Japanese burger and shawarma.
4. Hazelnut Choco and Quezo Real ice cream from Selecta; Pistachio and Tiramisu Ice Cream from Amici. Yummy!
5. Sub zero beer in Foodlocker. Can anybody resist this one?
Bata
Sa Ebanghelyo ay binigyang diin ni Hesus na upang tayo ay maligtas ay dapat tayong manatiling bata o tumulad sa katangian ng mga bata. Subali't pinaalala rin na sinumang hindi nangangalaga o yumuyurak sa mga karapatan ng mga bata ay tiyak na mananagot sa kabilang buhay.
Ano bang mga katangian ng mga bata? Sabi, di raw marunong magsinungaling. Pero ang katotohanan, marami na ring bata ang magaling gumawa ng kuwento o magsabi ng hindi totoo. Sabi, inosente at payak ang kaisipan. Pero ang katotohanan, maraming bata ang batak na sa trabaho, mga child worker, mga namamalimos, mga naglalako ng paninda, mga humaharap na sa araw-araw na karera ng buhay, mga batang kailangang mag-isip ng paraan kung paano makikipagbuno sa mundong ibabaw. Sabi, busilak ang kalooban at likas ang kabutihan. Pero ang katotohanan, hayag na rin ang mga bata sa mga makamundong pagnanasa, sa mga pang-aabuso, sa materyalismo, sa mga panunuhol at pandaraya, sa mga kasalanang dati-rati ay gawain lang nga nakakatanda.
Pero yun ang katotohanan, tayong mga nakakatanda ang sumira sa mga likas na katangaian ng mga bata. Tayo ay nagturo sa kanilang magsinungaling dahil di naman natin talaga pinapakinggan. Tayo ang nagtulak sa kanilang tumayo sa lkanilang mga sariling paa at sa mundo'y makipagsapalaran dahil di naman natin ginalang mga pangangailangan at karapatan. Tayo ang naghatid sa kanila sa mundo ng kasalanan dahil tayo ang nagbukas ng pintuan at nagbiugay ng di magandang halimbawa.
May panahon pa kung tatanggapin lang natin ang ating pananagutan sa mga bata. Hindi lamang tuwing Pasko o tuwing nanghihingi ako sa ating Children's Christmas Party. Araw-araw ay pananagutan nating pangalagaan ang karapatan, kakayahan, katangian ng mga bata.
May pag-asa pa kung yayakapin lang natin ang katotohanang: minsan tayo rin ay naging bata, minsan si Hesus mismo ay naging bata; kaya hindi natin hahayaang mapariwara at mawala ang saysay ng bawa't bata.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Top Five in 2011: Part 2
archer's journal: Top Five in 2011
Top Five in 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
The S-word
I have slept watching a boring UAAP game or a Sharon Cuneta concert; considering basketball and Sharon are two of my favorites. I have slept while having sex, no not after but during, while somebody was doing something to me and I was just too sleepy to get a hard-on.
My ex-boss hated making a client call with me. On our way to client or back to our office, I will just sleep while he drove. Long travels are my opiums, giving me the luxury to sleep and sleep. One time, on a trip to Cebu, I was wakened up by a handsome steward (his name is Rancy and I think he's gay too) to tell me that they have to clean up the plane and I was the last passenger remaining. And do I have to tell you how many times I missed my bus stops for sleeping? I hated walking back but I could sleepwalk on top of the world.
This is the reason why I don't watch TV alone, whether it's Imortal, Glee, or TLC. I will be sleeping right at the first commercial gap. If it's a good movie, I will try to fight off the temptation as moviehouses are paradise for sleepaholics like me. If it's really a bad movie like Rosario, I'd take my money's worth by snoring for the whole Trinoma to hear.
I have slept in Wensha steam room and the attendants thought I had an attack. I have slept in a couch of a Gilly's, not of drunkenness but because I thought the DJ was playing a lullaby. How many Christmases, get togethers, gimmicks, parties, night outs that they have found me sleeping or sleepy in a corner? My, I could sleep atop the toilet bowl just to escape my crazy friends or relatives. They can knock like hell but I am already knocked off in deep slumber.
So that's my secret, my S addiction. Now you know, you better excuse me as I try to catch some S-word again.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
The G-Word
Half of me feels for her, half not. The truth is I was not really close-close to her. I got to know her only thru her boyfriend, her ex rather. The boyfriend's perennial question to me was: have you seen my girlfriend? There was an exasperating time I almost snapped back: I'm here. As if I really care. OMF! OK, I really care for the boyfriend and I would always locate the girlfriend for him. Somehow I get this silly feeling that the boyfriend made me his girlfriend-GPS. I felt so valuable to him that I had to overcome my innate gerlaluphobia – extreme fear of girlfriends. Really.
But the unexpected, which I half-expected, half-prayed for actually, happened. They broke up. The more unexpected thing was this: she opened up to me. I told her I was not the perfect person to talk to, I am biased, I am opinionated, I am a bitch and to top it all, I love her ex-boyfriend.
After we’d talked, I found myself feeling for her, at least half of me felt for her. No, it isn't sympathy. No, I won't join the hate campaign against the ex-boyfriend (repeat after me: I love the ex-boyfriend). No, it doesn't mean we are already tight. She just entrusted to me her version of the story and I just listened. That was it. Heavily opinionated that I am, I knew I made some comments about the boy, about the girl, about them, and yes, about moving on.
The girl wants to move on but first, she has to hear him say the word Goodbye.
Suddenly, that G-word became so important, so vital to one's moving on. Tell me about it, how long she would wait for the G-word? What if the boy refuses to say it or believes he has already done so? Does goodbye really matter? What if nobody wants to say goodbye because they still expect there's hello again?
Is the G-word really that essential for you to live your life again? Do you really say goodbye or you just block him or her on Facebook? Do we deserve a goodbye from a failed relationship? Do we really need, or expect someone, to say it? Is the G-word a must to finally claim that there was closure?
Half of me felt for the ex-girlfriend, half of me believes that all she wants is to see him again. And for that I wish her another G-word: GOOD LUCK!
Friday, November 26, 2010
archer's journal: I am not.
I am not.
I am not user-friendly. Translation: hindi ako manggagamit. I am not going to scratch one's back, I have my own balls to scratch. I am not going to lick your ass, I'd rather lick something else. I'd rather be a bitch than be somebody's mop. I am not going to step on someone's toes to look taller. I am not going to befriend you because you have connections or because you are rich.
I am not a free loader. I have a friend, Fr Erik Adoviso. We used to be gourmands, we dine out almost every night. We will try every resto reviewed, every food featured. But when we discovered the word FITNESS, we gave up our dining adventure (we both want TLC be banned on cable TV, but hey, we're still watching most esp that show Man vs. Food) He eventually became vegetarian while I despised eating rice and drinking soft drinks ( I gave up beer for two years!). At dahil dun, wala nang nanlilibre sa akin. Of course, I will be invited in dinners, lunches, breakfasts, parties, etc. But still, I won't beg for a free lunch. Besides, I'm on a diet. At hindi rin po ako PG (no, not patay gutom, hindi po ako POOR GAY).
I am not available. The door is always open, the windows are wide enough for the elephant to enter my world. But if your business is to buy my loyalty, more than the friendship I offer, NO WAY. You cannot give me gifts to tell you a story about this and that. You cannot wring my long neck with a Swarovski in order for me to speak up against somebody else.
I am not a Gossip Girl. I have a friend who had a stroke and died because of a rumor. I wept not just because he was gone, I cried more because I didn't defend him. I kept quiet, I didn't stop those rumors. I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON. I Hate Rumor Mongers. I Hate Rumor Mongers. I Hate Rumor Mongers. If there's anything I hate in this wonderful world, it's not the existence of cockroaches and rats, it's the fact that tsismosas and tsimosos are just within our midst. SO PLEASE, DON'T PASS A RUMOR TO ME.
I am not a wrecker. In correlation with me being no Gossip Girl, I will not exhaust my energy to put down someone. No way, sister. I will not be happy to see someone fall (unless it's a game or a competition, but still, after the game, it's back to normal) or rejected. I WAS REJECTED AND KICKED OUT by a lot of people in the past and I would not want anybody to experience the same. I am not going to bulldoze someone's career or dream. I am not going to PRAY FOR SOMEONE'S FAILURE (Ok, I prayed for Boston to lose...is that counted?)
I am not cheap. The truth is, the best things in me are FREE. I can lend my ears to listen to you. I can extend my hands, I can wrap my arms to warm you. I can offer you my shoulders, lean on them and you can even wet them with your tears. But you cannot afford my dignity, you cannot just step on it and stay alive.
I am not gay. Weh. :)
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Death and Life
I never saw it coming. Her long introduction about her achievements and past life was already ominous on what her talk would dwell on. No, it wasn’t ‘scientific and medical’, it was fanatic and yes, idiotic. The only time she used the word scientific was when she hit the lectern and told her bewildered audience she can prove that homosexuals are ‘deficient’ and she could prove it, yes ma’am, ‘scientifically’. Whoa. Out of the topic, she pursued and pushed it. She flipped her slides and introduced their Culture of Death conspiracy theory. DEATH as per her brilliant mind stands for D-Divorce, didn’t look on EAT as my eyes popped on H which stands for HOMOSEXUALITY. We, gay people, promulgate and promote a culture of death in this Catholic country, based on her presmise. She ranted on, how can gay people support RH Bill when we do not know what reproduction means or when we can’t even be reproductive ‘ eh ang pagtatalik na lalaki sa lalaki e di naman nakakagawa ng anak! ‘ AIDS pa dinudulot, kamatayan hindi buhay!
I felt like being there inside the crater of Bulusan. I walked out. I didn’t create a scene, I just left quietly and with dignity. I don’t want to give her the satisfaction of arguing with a Gay Catholic. I am so above her, I will not argue with a bitch with a title Doctor and goes with a name Ligaya. She doesn’t deserve her name, she doesn’t deserve my anger. I pity her 11 children and her henpecked husband.
Death is just a stroke away but they never thought of it. That same day, our Parish Priest (to pacify me perhaps) asked me to join him in officiating wedding rites for Myra and Lito. Myra has breast cancer, with her time tick-tocking already. But Lito, a tall, good-looking man, proposed marriage not out of pity but because of love and a blissful life (whatever is left of it) together. Because Myra can no longer stand up on her own, the wedding was set at their modest home. Myra isn’t rich, we had to bow to enter their cramped but clean house. Lito isn’t rich either or he is after any inheritance or pension. A tricycle with a golden heart, he finances Myra’s chemo sessions and buys her meds. Now, that’s love. That’s life. And they want that love-life to be bound by marriage. I was silently crying like everybody else. We were all witnesses not only to the heartwarming ceremony but also to one great love-life story.
Ligaya, the woman with a title Doctor sees DEATH in everybody and in everything.
Myra and her husband Lito, the tricycle driver, see LIFE full of love.