Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I am 43.

Written on one of my favorite shirts: Free the 43. Actually, it's a call on behalf of the 43 Morong health workers still detained in Camp Bagong Diwa. One fine day I was wearing that shirt and have realized that I could truly relate with the message. It finally sunk on me that I am already 43, but am I free? My mind, not just the shirt, with proverbial clenched fist is yelling: Freedom!

I am 43 and I want freedom from all worries. 20 plus-plus years ago, soothsayers have predicted the end of the world in year 2000. I was young and stupid to believe so, I got naturally scared. I thought of Noah and the Great Flood: I didn't know how to swim! Later on my life, I found myself swimming amidst the deep ocean of worries. I flooded myself with all the cares and worries of the world. I was close to drowning from all the unnecessary worries when I found Jesus holding a Life Vest specially made for me. He was there saying'don't be afraid, it's Me' and encouraged to walk above the waterworld of worries. Now, I am staying afloat even a tempest or a perfect storm would come.

I am 43 and I want freedom from negativity. There were years in my life that I was a walking bitch. I doubted almost every intention, motive, aspiration. I dampened anyone's enthusiasm to be with me. I shooed people and made them shut their mouths and shoot their faces. I slammed door to anyone who knocked, turned my back to anyone who asked. In reality, it was just my defense mechanism. I bitched to cover up my shortcomings. I bitched because I myself was worthless. I bitched because I was so negative towards almost every thing. I bitched because I was wounded. It took the Great Healer to make me finally decide to be happy and remove all the clouds of negativity. Today, though it's not a clear day every day, I feel sunshine is on me with Jesus shining brightly in my heart. By the way, I have resolved to stay away from negative people (including those rumormongers and Facebook stalkers). They are 'vexations to the spirit.'

I am 43 and I want freedom from fear of love. I was afraid to love, to even show or demonstrate affection towards anyone. I was afraid to be used and abused for showing love so I just kept to myself whatever love I felt. I was afraid to be rejected that's why I never made the first step. I was afraid to be left behind so I steeled myself not to give my heart to anyone. I was afraid to cry alone. The truth is I was crying, all by myself. I was crying for all the love in the world that I didn't notice or just let pass. I was crying for the pain I inflicted to myself. No one has truly hurt me. It was just me hurting myself for deciding to be alone and left alone. I shielded myself too much that the spikes and bolts I used to cover me started to kill me. A knight in the shining armor didn't come to rescue me, He came with a cross. Jesus unburdened me and carried the cross for himself. And He did it for love. Now, I have undergone more than an open heart surgery. Jesus showed me names of all the people I loved and I still love etched in my heart, including my parents, including you my friend who may be reading this. I just hope it's never too late to love again and be loved.

They say life begins at 40. I am 43 and I am free to begin my life all over again.




Friday, October 8, 2010

Munting Langit 7: Mga tagakalat at nagkakalat

"Whoever is not with me is against me and whoever does not gather around me, scatters."

Sa buhay natin marami tayong kinakalat. Minsan, ang buhay natin mismo ay nagkakalat. Maliwanag sa paalala ng Ebanghelyo ngayon: kung hindi ka tunay at ganap na kakapit kay Kristo, ang buhay ay sadyang magkakalat.

May mga mabuting tagakalat sa ating paligid. Noong isang umagang patungo ako sa talipapa, nakita ko si Aling Aida na nakatayo sa isang umpukan ng mga kababaihan. May mga naglalaba sa tabi, may nagkakape, may isang tinatanggalan ng kuto ang anak --- sila at iba pang babae ay nakikinig sa kinakalat ni Aling Aida. Saglit akong huminto at nakinig. Umagang-umaga, habang iba ay abala at ang ilan ay tulog pa, ito na si Aling Aida, naghahatid na ng Mabuting Balita, nagbabahagi ng Salitang Diyos at nanghihikayat na sumapi sa Batayang Pamayanang Kristyano.

Sa kabilang banda ay mga tagakalat ng kasamaan. Sila yung walang ginawa kundi gumawa ng kwento. Sila yung masaya ng may nasisirang buhay dahil sa tsismis na kanilang nilikha't pinalawig. Sila yung tagabulong, tagasulsol, taga-udyok, tagagatong. Di nila alam, sila yung mga buhay ay nagkakalat.

Ang masakit, mga taong Simbahan din sila tulad ni Aling Aida. Pero hindi tulad ni Aling Aida na tahimik na naglilingkod, sila ay maiingay, mga mapang-ibabaw, mapagkunwari. Sila yung mga mahilig mag-bida at magpasikat.Akala mo sila ang nagbigay ng donation kung umasta. Akala mo matulungin, pero ang totoo nais ka lamang nilang makasama sa kanilang 'network of katsismisan'. Sumasabay na nga sila sa uso --- dati sa gilid lang Simbahan naghuhuntahan o sa ilalim ng puno, dati linya lamng ng telepono sinusunog. Ngayon, load na ang inuubos makapagtext lang ng tsismis. Pati Facebook ay pinasok, para makapaghanap ng bagong 'ebidensya' sa kanilang hatid na tsismis.

Ang masakit, magaling silang magpanggap na sila ay mga mababait na 'sister' ng Parokya. Maraming nababaitan sa kanila. Siguro, totoo. Pero iba naman ang MABAIT sa MABUTI. Mabait nga pero mabuti ba ang hangarin? Mabait nga sa kapwa pero mabuti ba siyang alagad ni Kristo? Anong balita ba ang kanilang hinahatid? Ano ba ang kanilang kinakalat?

Mabuti na lamang ay may mga Aling Aida sa aming Parokya. Nagkalat man ang mga 'mababait na tsismosa', nananaig pa rin ang mga 'mabubuting tagakalat' na matiyagang tagataguyod ng Munting Langit dito sa lupa.