Wednesday, May 9, 2012

If it were Gretchen

If it were Gretchen, she would not pick a fight with an old guy. She has this fondness with older men like Joey, like Tonyboy. Mon won’t be her type but just the same, she will respect this 65-year old man with a nosy camphone.

If it were Gretchen, she would not grab that camphone. Instead, she would ask Mon to come closer, to make sure he’d capture her best angle. She would request for a retouch and proper lighting. No worries, she has a carry-all make-up kit and she actually walks around with a vanity mirror. 

If it were Gretchen, she would even grant Mon an interview. She would insist she didn’t mind the lost and left out luggage. What she’s giddy about really is that the lady at the counter wore the same red lipstick Gretchen has on her Angelinajoliefied lips. 

If it were Gretchen, she would not lash at, curse, or badmouth the poor ground crew of Cebu Pacific. For her, it would be a waste of time and energy. Besides, she’s too poised and elegant to be violent. Instead, she will ask for a bottle of Evian water, fill herself up then exhale. She will turn again and ask the awestruck crew, tell me, am I still beautiful after what you guys have done?  Gretchen will only turn violent if you’d answer in negative.

If it were Gretchen, she would not get angry. Instead, she would just laugh at the poor ground crew. The sound of her laughter will remind you of her screeching red stiletto. And she will quip: So you left my LV and my Hermes? Mga inday at mga dong, sa inyo na iyun. Isoli nyo lang mga panty ko dun. May happy memories ako sa mga yun. And that delicious laughter again. The crew will turn red in shame, oh yes, they love those luggage --- and her memory-filled panties. 

If it were Gretchen, it wouldn’t happen at all. Hello, you expect her to take that Cebu Pacific flight? Hello, you expect her to be wide awake in the wee hours of the morning to take advantage of the Cebu Pacific’s promo? Ano siya mahirap, walang pera? Ano siya, si Claudine? And yes, hello, you expect her to wait at the conveyor like ordinary mortals do? Ano siya uli si Claudine? 

If it were Gretchen, she wouldn’t make people think she’s a prima donna or a diva or a spoiled brat or a bipolar bitch. She’s not. She’s a queen and she didn’t need to be angry to catch anybody’s attention. 

I am glad it wasn’t me. Really. 

No comments: